June 18, 2015, 10:02 am. Im sorry. something random to solve the problem. And sometimes ill-prepared panicked people arent model human beings who can clearly assess every situation and respond with the appropriate amount of compassion. LW, presumably your husband was fulfilling his promise sufficiently to take care of his mother before you all moved in with her so what steps can you take to get back to that status quo? It may be that her attitude needs some adjusting, perhaps due to the immediate stress of the babys impending arrival. I hate my husband. Overall, I feel for you. TaraMonster I just read your comment again. Maybe she needs a more active social life. something random I know its tempting to ask how the hell did LW get herself into this situation?, but the more important question is how to get out of it. What I find even more awful than wanting to just flat out abandon her is your complete lack of compassion for this woman, and how youre allowing her to, as Wendy put it, rot in her own filth in her bedroom. They feel they are just protecting their vulnerable child, with little awareness of the effect it has had on me and other sis. Well how nice of you to presume to know that about me. Shes the one who asked whether she was wrong for asking her husband to break his promise to care for his mother after they are done needing her free place to live in, and, sorry, but the answer is yeah. As the smart, capable children, me and my other sister were basically left to our own devices with very little parenting from about ages 11 and 9. Sep 27, 2019 at 1:55 PM. 3. Its not easy, but its necessary. As I said yesterday, I see firsthand on a daily basis just how difficult that role is. Hopefully your children treat you better when you are your MILs age than youre treating your MIL. Stay calm and think it through to evaluate your marriage and save it from crumbling. Once the wife tables her grievances and apologizes, the couple goes right back to loving each other. My Sisters and I Are Fighting Over My (Living) Mothers Money. My point: not all families or bonds are the same.) Constant dislike for your spouse shows an underlying problem you need to solve. But how many people here have actually taken care of an ungrateful, belligerent, careless, angry (through no fault of their own) in-law for years on end? The wives of covert narcissist husbands may feel a withering contempt wrapped up in a superficial long-suffering or "helpful" demeanor. something random Marriage is an exciting experience for most people. M. MiraclesHappenBelieve. The best way to solve the dislike for your husband is to communicate. If she does in fact have mental health issues, whether or not they are consequent to the stroke, they should be assessed and addressed appropriately, but that doesnt excuse her demanding and entitled behaviour either. Since her husband has a medical discharge he may have been healthy when the baby was conceived, then injured and unable to function at the level necessary to stay in the military. Learn what to do when you dont like your husband in the following: 13 Tips on What to Do if You Dislike Your Spouse, ? She got in way over her head. Accept that he can never be the charming prince you see on the television. Learn what to do when you dont like your husband in the following: Knowing what to do when you hate your husband can save your marriage time. This situation can make you hate your husband and wish you arent together. Make sure you can support a baby before getting pregnant. In essence, you can hate something or someone you love from time to time when things dont go your way. Sometimes theyre just desperate to get out of their current situation without thought to what is actually the right best thing to do. An experienced therapist will offer you strategic ways to communicate with your spouse. Like, angled so that the blade was over the edge of the counter, almost parallel to the counter. I forgot about the honey thing. honeybeenicki Slooooow clap for Wendy!!! This helpfulness demonstrates that he is being a "good spouse.". June 18, 2015, 10:26 am. She used to live with us and didnt treat me well. You might say, I hate my husband, because he has hurt you a lot in the past. But I still maintain that Husband and his mother need to adjust their expectations a bit and really look into getting her into a retirement community. ? Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. How come you suddenly dislike your husband or slowly hating my husband? Thats not to say that I think they shouldnt fulfill their familial duties to the MIL. But, she couldnt because financially they needed her to provide a place to live. . If you cant pinpoint the cause you dislike your husband, check the following possible reasons why you hate your husband: Communication goes beyond what you engage in with friends and co-workers. All rights reserved. One reason you dislike your husband may be that you both stopped compromising. But realistically, it sounds like it was just that you lived separately and helped her out less? . Knowing the specific reasons can save your marriage, whether he stopped sending flowers or stopped going on regular dates. New activities offer a change of environment, which in itself can make you feel closer to your partner. She heard her husband say, "I hate you so much you have no idea, that's right you heard me, you little f--k." That's disturbing enough, but when her husband returned from the baby's room, "he . Statements like, How do you feel these days, can open up conversation and strengthen the bond between partners. They can come several times a week and help the MIL take a bath, wash her hair and change clothes. Talk to your husband about what he means by caring for her. Oh, I have no doubt shes overwhelmed. Why do I feel like my husband hates me? February 24, 2017, 11:06 am. How did you get them?? Thank her for her suggestions and make your own decisions as a parent. 7) You Have a Dysfunctional Idea Of What a Marriage Should Be. Ive noticed men are careless with how they leave things (even knives) on the counter. 5 Ways Lying Destroys Marriages, 15 Ways to Deal With an Unsupportive Partner During Pregnancy, 15 Ways to Know if Theres Enough Physical Intimacy in Your Relationship. Wheres your compassion for that? We bought the entire building because the owner was selling it. It can pave the way for a better relationship. . Talk about sweet! Keep up the good work! Check the following practical methods when you dont know what to do when you dislike the man youve married: An excellent way to evaluate the situation is to start asking the questions like, Why am I starting to hate my husband?. June 18, 2015, 10:02 am. June 18, 2015, 4:50 pm. One such situation might make you say, I hate my husband. The first step to solving this problem is knowing why you cant see eye-to-eye with your spouse. Sunshine Brite Once the wife tables her grievances and apologizes, the couple goes right back to. I get that living there is hard for you. Start by doing the following: Start by complimenting him or appreciating him. Of course, but he is not obligated to sacrifice his life or his happy home for me. Im sympathetic to the LW. A man who is close to his mother is not a mother's boy in a negative way. But the tone in my response was inspired and informed by the tone in the letter (which I thought was a lot crueler/ unkind/ unsympathetic than my response and most of the responses Im seeing in the comments), but for what its worth Im glad there are dissenting opinions in the comments and that the LW is getting at least a little range of responses. From time immemorial, we hear more awful marriage experiences than good ones. Thats her fault not the MILs. Maybe a cut would have occured, but not anything as dramatic as the LW presents. Also. How Did You Decide Whether to Have Another Baby? I havent cared for an in-law but I have lived with someone in hospice care who could no longer take care of themselves long term. No biggie. It sounds like she has some assets so she probably would need to private pay but check out disability/elderly services with your county to see if there are local community based options to try and take some of the weight off of the caregiving which may make it more tolerable or help connect you with a care center for her if she is too unwell to live on her own again with sometimes help. The situation of her living alone, in her house, should be remedied. You may have your husband because there are underlying differences you refused to settle. That is true, she may be overwhelmed. She never lets him get discouraged. Also, with the balance issues there probably arent many activities MIL can do entirely independently, unless the house has had major adaptations to it (railing etc), and I am willing to bet that is not the case. Youll need to come up for a plan for the next ten years about how youll plan to continue to help your mother in law with her care, and what your game plan is as a family. Much of the therapy I do with these particular patients involves forcing them to confront the deficits that they refuse to see in themselves since their strokes. June 18, 2015, 11:47 am. They had to know going in what the situation would be like, but hey! I have compassion for both LW and her MIL. You can even lead by replicating some of those times. And even my husband loves having her nearby. I Hate My Husband: The Reasons Why When a couple gets married they imagine that they will be loving and happy during their life. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? honeybeenicki Why do I hate my husband? The challenge to my marriage. My grandma had a severe stroke when I was about 3 years old, and my dads family (all 11 siblings) took turns taking care of her in my grandparents farmhouse. He's not perfect but no one is. Why was that? (Little sis called CPS on my father at age 14, claiming he was physically abusing her, which is absolutely not true, and put herself in to foster care. But relationships go both ways, and I think all parties need to give a little. June 18, 2015, 9:38 am, I like Wendys response. When you hate your husband so much, the reason could be because. Whenever she asks us to do something she always says, Whenever you get the chance, doesnt have to be right now. Yet, if the request isnt fulfilled shortly after, she gets pissy. What do I mean? Duplex is a great idea. It is absolutely wrong to leave her to her fate. Also, I saw my mom naked all the time. Yeah, this is pretty horrible. Seeking more interesting shared activities is fine, but she may not be creating any desire on the LWs part to be in her company. Im just saying the tone at which people are responding to the LW is off. In addition, she has fallen asleep with candles still lit, and left knives on the counter (I almost impaled my pregnant belly on one!). Of course people are going to judge. Sell my house Quickly; SELL YOUR HOME FAST; i hate my husband because of his mother. He's always asking my parents for money and they give to him. Hey MIL, I am a little concerned because of your health problems about the safety of the baby, but Id love if youd help with XYZ when you can and if you want to. Diablo, I always enjoy your comments, the ones meant in jest and the ones grounded in your own experience(s). Accepting that fact will save you from getting worried. The home doesnt sound like a good place for a baby, especially once it is mobile. I have mentioned that I love living now? Our first responsibility is ALWAYS to our minor children. I didn't care because we were 16 & I kept secrets from my parents too so who cares. I think it is time you all started looking into retirement community-type things. I promised my mom that she could live in the east wing of my giant mansionguess whatshes not holding me to a promise I made as a child. As long as your partner tries their best, it would be best not harshly to criticize them. I like Wendys suggestion that the letter writer finds a way to honor her obligation to her mother in law in way that doesnt dry her out from resentment year after year. But I cant really blame her for deciding its too much for her to live with her mother-in-law for the rest of MILs life. Well, you need to stop that. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3411865/, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/263492646_His_and_her_marriage_expectations_Determinants_and_consequences, https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/how-thoughtful-communication-can-improve-your-marriage-according-divorce-attorney-ncna872661, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/226267616_Dysfunctional_relationship_beliefs_in_marital_conflict, What to do when you dont like your husband, 18 likely reasons why you hate your husband, 5 helpful ways to stop hating your husband, Spice up Your Day With Cute Relationship Memes for Your Partner, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 50 Best Things to Talk About With Your Boyfriend. Sounds like your husband is trying to make good on his promise (though his motives dont sound great). I told him two weeks ago I don't love him and I just can't stand him. But because of that I would never move in with either of my parents for free rent either. Theres a nicer way to present it. How Do I Make My Partner Realize Their Responsibilities? Recollect how happy you were on your wedding day? And some of your concerns being naked? But its nice to have a reminder that these judgements are only taking in account face value circumstances. They often have tons of options for activities and just getting out may help her mental and emotional well being. Why does he even get an opinion?The conversation that needs to happen here is between the LW and the husband. He has to form a boundary between his new family and his family of origin. If a new spouse cannot accept that, in my humble opinion (IMHO as the new generation says), the relationship is doomed. Just really need to rant. She could have written in about the husband and issues with navigating her MILs care and left everything else out. June 18, 2015, 10:49 am, honeybeenicki You can completely remove all of the details of the living situation from this letter and theres one thing that still sticks out to me. She falls walking on a flat surface with nothing in her hands but she is super mad that my husband and I have made it clear that she will not be caring for the new baby or holding it while walking. 5. So you talk to your husband and you move out. What Happens When There Is Lack of Attention in Relationship? Nope, sorry dont buy it. It can pave the way for a better relationship. She came into this house totally unaware of the current state of her MILs condition, was totally unprepared to handle it, and her husband seemingly isnt on board with making changes (ie he wants to buy another house eventually and keep on living together). Also, my entire job is trying to mitigate or prevent the self-neglect you describe. Ultimately, your husband has to decide to change. LW, you are basically saying you want your husband to break his promise because his life has changed and things arent as easy now as they were when he first made it. Living with someone who requires a great deal of care who is incapable of caring for themselves, is very hard. i hate my husband because of his mother santa margherita chianti classico 2014 intertops sports betting i hate my husband because of his mother May 10, 2022 But the mother sounds like a narcissistic nightmare. She wrote: " I can truly and honestly say that I hate my husband because of his cheating. These people, who dont seem to give a shit about aging, ailing parents, are the worst! can help resolve some of the tension between you and your partner. When spouses dont respect each other, they stop being responsible. If couple activities were a part of your marriage and you stopped doing them because of busy work schedules, it may be the reason you have started to dislike your husband. I mean, think about how you would want to be treated by your own children then apply that to your parents or your partners parents. Elderly people often lose the capacity to properly care for themselves, and if she was already mentally ill, or even eccentric, Im sure the issue is exacerbated. If your husband doesnt care about your opinion or values but only what matters to him, it will cause a rift between you. You wont see such a trait when you are courting because he is a good pretender. With your spouse, you need to be more intentional. I cant believe how willing you are to drop her without any support vs. setting up support from afar. June 18, 2015, 11:04 am, That has to be so amazing to have your mom so close with your baby on the way , honeybeenicki I read it too quickly the first time and thought you wrote Not that I think you have experienced instead of not that I think you have to have experienced It changed the whole tone. June 18, 2015, 10:27 am. I bet if you come home with legal divorce documents and property settlement forms, he'll figure out how to deal with his mother. I for one love and respect my son enough that I would never make him feel guilty for living his life. If you really can't get on with their family and are no longer on speaking terms, allow your partner to continue their relationship with them on. I Hate My Husband For Cheating on Me - Tips and Advice That May Help. Its frustrating when you have tried healthy ways to improve someone, but it proves futile. Or is he open to other ideas that wouldnt require your family live with her but instead using some of Wendys ideas? He's "nice" and "helpful.". Dont be so damn condescending just because you dont believe in how she parented 30 years ago or whenever. From your original comment I wouldnt have known. Marriage is full of ups and downs, and you might have forgotten each other as you navigate life. I kept thinking what if you need to be taken care of someday by your husband? something random TaraMonster Gah, absolutely everything you described thats currently happening is almost word for word post-stroke symptoms. Its really easy to theorize what it is like taking care of a wacko (through no fault of their own). Put her in an elderly home already! Steven Tyler is accused of sexually assaulting a 16-year-old girl in the '70s: 'Victim's' lawsuit claims she is the 'teen bride' in singer's memoir after he convinced her mom to grant him guardianship I understand that she must have felt desperate, but shes calling out her MIL for having bad judgment (as a mother and grandmother), when it seems like the LWs judgment is questionable, too. Same advice as to what she should do, but different tone. They tend to be confrontational and hard headed. . You might hate your husband when he does something you dont like. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Yes, it is if he refuses to reciprocate the love and gesture. Imagine how shocking it is to hear some wives say, I hate my husband so much. What could be the reason for this statement, and what can you do? Like I was accusing her of being just mean and ugly to my daughter. Once you figure the problem out, it will be easy. For example, a clumsy husband scatters the room every chance he gets can create stress. No marriage is perfect as everyone is only trying their best to make it work. My FIL (who has been divorced from my MIL for over 40 years) says hes on our side but that my husband made a promise to his mother and that makes it my promise too. For instance, you may hate your husband solely because he refuses to stop drinking. Life is unpredictable, and marriage is full of surprises. Right? * No one had medical training either so that made it extra difficult. Well, it turns out that his mom felt attacked. Hate my husband. TaraMonster Someone just left it carelessly, is all, and the configuration of the kitchen meant you could come around the corner without seeing it. All parties need to be more intentional one love and gesture experiences than good ones sure you can hate or. 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To hear some wives say, I saw my mom naked all the time are because. Baby, especially once it is mobile come several times a week and the. The reason for this statement, and what can you do but relationships go ways! Be so damn condescending just because you dont like is an exciting experience for most people you.
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